Thursday, June 7, 2012

wedding advice?

So....um...trying to plan a wedding.
This may be triggering my OCD/making me crazy/leading me to fight with my family.

 We were originally thinking about something small and intimate.
 I think our guest list is getting bigger.

 I thought it was going to be AT my parents'; now it looks like we'll have to have a venue because there are too many people.

 I was thinking something non-traditional. Like I'd be happy with a small ceremony and some kind of a meal that features foods I'm not allergic to. Oh, and cake.

 I'm not uber girly. I'm not even sure I want to wear white....or shoes.

 I don't have a sister. Even when I've been a maid of honor, my friends didn't really need/want much input.

 Um...I don't really know how to do this.

 Part of me just wants to say screw it and have a pirate wedding in Vegas. But then, I wouldn't be able to coordinate all my BFFs being there. And, I think my mom would kill me.

 How are you supposed to do this?
I'm not even sure where to start/which things to REALLY argue about.

 Also...I am experiencing MAJOR sewing machine/animal withdrawal. (I get to see the Pirate tomorrow.)

13 comments:

  1. first, congrats! getting married is so exciting. i am very happy for you! i wish you all the happiness in the world and a stress free planning. i would remember it is about you both. do what you want to do; it is your day. family gets in the way most of the time when it comes to weddings. maybe you should have the kraken be your ring bearer. ;)

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  2. Afraid I loved planning our wedding - but benefited from an excellent venue and help from their wedding co-ordinator.

    Once you decide the 'where' it will all start to hang together.

    Good luck, it will be perfect in the end xxx

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  3. I don't really have any good advice either...but I do think that planning a wedding should be something that goes on a resume!!

    And do what you want. Non-traditional is good and will make it memorable.

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  4. Ok so I've done this a lot for friends and have lots of ideas but first and foremost is to plan something special, whatever that means for you. My oldest sister didn't have anything nice at all the 1st time (she was pretty young) and I remember her mentioning it for years. When it came time for her 2nd wedding I reminded her of this fact. She ended up wearing a white lace dress (not gown) that she loved, had a small ceremony in a church with just family and close friends and a reception at home. I made the cake. Weddings aren't for the guests, they are for the bride and groom and if it makes you happy to have it small and intimate, don't let others tell you anything else. Depending on where you live, I'm sure there is someplace truly awesome for the perfect wedding for you. Email me if you want to chat more. I'll help any way that I can.

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  5. My co-worker had an elegant solution for guest list creep. Her invites for the second tier read something like "Because of space limitations, our ceremony will be private. Please join us at 8:00 for cake and dancing on the lawn." I loved it! It removed the "I have to go" for people who would go just out of obligation and the few who did go had a great time knowing they were welcome. It makes it clear also to the guests to expect to be standing (no chairs needed and more people can fit...and they won't stay too long).

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  7. Ah the joys of wedding planning. We had started planning the whole thing, and then it was holy crap this is expensive, and then the "I feel obligated to invite so & so but could care less", and trying to figure out a wedding party, and deal with everyone wanting fancy when we're way laid back and none of it was what we really wanted. So we cancelled it all. We already had a beach vacation planned (3 weeks away) and most of our close family was going to be there so we just decided to do it then. We called a few extras that we really wanted to be there and didn't tell anyone else. We got married on the beach in a 5min ceremony, I wore a dress I got at a boutique store at the mall, no shoes, no attendants, I walked down the beach to The Beatles, and no photographer. We went back to the house we had rented had dinner, drank a lot and ate cake from the grocery store - and it's been almost a year and we have zero regrets! Best day ever! There will always be people who don't like what you do, but I just told them, we're getting married because we love each other and want to be married, not because we want to have a wedding! We did send out "We got married announcements" and had a picnic "reception" at our house once we got back for everyone that we didn't invite, I could have gone without that. I can share more details etc or just chat about it - just email me!

    <-- That's our wedding pic right there!

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  8. Don't be afraid to just not invite people. The advice above is good. For instance, I didn't invite most of my coworkers, and I just explained to them, we're paying for the wedding. People understand that can get expensive. And if you still have more than can fit at your parents' place, I bet you can find a venue similar to what we used. It was a small restaurant, and we were able to combine the costs of the venue, food, drink tables, chairs, etc. as one cost. It was very affordable, and as long as you like the food, I recommend looking for something like that. On that same point, if you aren't able to have it at your parents' place, finding a venue will probably be the first piece of the puzzle. Once that is secured, the rest is easier. Try to remember that it is about you and your love, no one else. Maybe you'll piss some people off, but they'll get over it.

    If you need to vent, or want to ask any questions, feel free! I hope it goes smoothly Ella. <3

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  9. Hubby and I were pretty much in the same boat - we had just been to a ridiculously fancy wedding and didn't want the same thing for ourselves!

    We didn't have any attendants at all. His mom officiated (her religion allows any of its members to perform weddings!). For food, we had a BBQ that his grandparents catered, basically. Flowers were from the local farmer's market for $5/bunch, in vases from the dollar store.

    I wore a light blue dress (it was a bridesmaids dress, which made it cheaper than a regular wedding dress but still kind of fancy - it also TOTALLY changed the way the gals at the dress shop acted towards me - a lot less fuss, which was definitely appreciated!).

    My one regret from our day is not having hired a professional photographer to take photos of us. We have some really cute pictures, but having some fo those posed ones would've been nice. My plan (hubby doesn't know about this yet, haha!) is to hire a photographer for one of our anniversaries or something to take good pics of us then. I may or may not get the wedding dress back out for that. ;)

    Most importantly, though - it is a day for you and almost-hubby to celebrate your togetherness and your happiness. Your guests are there to celebrate with you - they are not people who you owe something because you're inviting them to share it with you! My suggestion is to start with a location that makes you happy and go from there.

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  10. Congrats, how about at a park, you can be barefoot and have unlimited space. Good luck with the planning.

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  11. I agree with what most responses have been. Do what is right for you. You should be able to look back and love what happened. Wedding planners were not common when I was married - not sure if they even existed. We did the planning ourselves and felt satisfied with our decisions. Not only was I not frazzled, but close colleagues were not even sure there was going to be a wedding until they received invitations. I have been to very simple weddings and some events that are so over the top, and I doubt that the over the top ones are any more meaningful or memorable to the wedding couple. I also agree about pictures...although at the time I thought it corny to have someone take pictures of who was there, table by table, I appreciate it now, thirty something years later. To me this is a test of who is important to be present...who in the pictures can I still identify? If I cannot figure out a face, were they important to be there? Best wishes on the process. Like so many things, it is the journey not just the destination to keep in mind.

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  12. good luck planning! when I got overwhelmed and didn't want to plan I would go read apracticalwedding.com and get some sane perspective. It's a great site with great advice and lots of wonderful women. Plus, there is a book now I think which looks like it would have helped me a lot (and I am not a wedding book kinda gal). Just thought I'd share :)

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